When Is It Time To Change Churches?

Bear with me...
Twenty years ago, I stopped being Catholic and "converted" to being a Lutheran so we could be married at my husband's family church. His parents were married there too....sixty five years ago.
I took an active role in the church - helping in the nursery, being on the hand bell choir, helping the monthly shifts at the local Free Meal place (Luke House), assembling school kits, adopting families for the holidays, giving tree participation, helping out the food pantry, assisting the Homeless Ministry, and more. (Yes, it is a HUGE church with a lot of ways to serve the community). I met a lot of wonderful people, grew a lot spiritually with amazing Sunday sermons and bible studies and came to really enjoy/respect the leadership team. I am very fond of some of those same people, yet today.
Keep in mind, I was raised catholic. When you had family issues, needed guidance, wanted someone to pray with you... you went to your priest. I have always been close to my priest/pastor.
Times change.
People retire. People move on for better offers, etc. The pastors (Lutheran speak for priest) I had bonded with so well are no longer a part of our church. My absolute favorite retired, several have moved on and the sweet one who married us is now dealing with Cancer and retiring early.
How huge is my disconnect?
I shared with you this summer, what happened in my little world. I thought everything was wonderful and learned that a lot of it had fallen apart behind my back..
On that day, I called the two important men in my life, crying and spilling my guts.
They were the most awkward phone calls of my life.....
Sadly, over six months later - I have yet to hear or see any follow up. Not even a "How are things?"
One is a family member, and I can't really do anything about that... the other was my pastor.
I know, he is a busy man and is trying to fill the shoes of someone who is still adored by so many. He simply is more of an administrator... not so much the warm and fuzzy person you can take a problem to or ask for help.
How can you do a sermon about Jesus and the lost sheep -- when you can't put it into practical use? To have someone in your flock who you know is hurting ... that you can't even shoot an note to or make a quick call to?
It's become too difficult to listen to sermons from a man who does a great job talking about people's feelings but can't actually relate to them...does that make sense? What is really sad is the fact that in a church of over 5,000 people, I can't be the only one who tried to talk with him....
That is problem number one.
I have also spent the last 18 months trying to get the Blessing Bag program as a solid ministry for our church. It would compliment all the other areas of our Homeless Ministry and is such a simple thing. I have attempted, more than once, to get things rolling and it's never the correct time.
It's pretty much been me, and another person doing it all when it could be SO easy!
I have approached another church about the program and, in less than two weeks, get to visit and explain things to their congregation. Eighteen months vs two weeks....and they are really excited about the opportunity.
That was problem number two.
I need to be part of a church where I don't seem like just another number, where I can make a difference and where I feel my spirit enriched. Where I can converse with my spiritual leader and know I have a person I can lean on if I need a little support. I don't expect them to have all the answers but it would have been nice if someone could have held me while I cried, prayed with me or even helped me find a passage or two in the bible that could help be draw the strength I needed at the time...
So, I have a few meetings coming up with other church pastors -- to see what might be a good fit for me and if they have a good program for children as I want Miss Sarah to to have the kind of experiences that I did in the past.
I never want her to have an awkward phone call......
:( I love our church--Burke. I'm active in our Sunday School program, and very active in the church as a whole. :) Good luck in your search!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenny -
DeleteI actually have that church on my list
:)
I know its a long leap from Catholic but have you checked out the Unitarian Universalist fellowship? My husband was Catholic and I am not and we both instantly felt like the UU fellowship here in Appleton was our spiritual home. It has a small congregation feel with amazing ministers and the most generous, giving, and welcoming members. I have been involved with the religious education program for 5 or 6 years now and am amazed at the gratitude of everyone for my meager contribution. And when my family has fallen upon hard times I am astounded by the outpouring of concern-I have received more than one phone call over the years from our ministers even though I did not even reach out to them. I haven't visited the Madison UU fellowship so I am not sure if you'd find the same experience but I know UUs in general are an effusively generous and loving bunch.
ReplyDeleteThe priest at our church (who married us, baptized our daughter, and was such a comfort through the loss of several family members) is retiring this July. Your story is everything that I am fearing about his replacement.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Ann --
DeleteI hope your experience is much better than mine was.
Just keep your faith and heart open to where God is leading you.
:)
Blessings-
I have so had to go through the same thing to a degree as you. My church in Wisconsin closed as of August 2011. Since then I have tried two churches in Wisconsin. One was a good fit worship service wise, but people including the pastor hardly said a word to me in 6 months. The second church was friendly, but the worship service didn't fit as well. Now we have moved to TN and I am hoping the church I am currently going to will work out. They are friendly, even if the worship service is not the best IMO. I think I can find a way to be involved, as I am already helping every Friday with the food pantry distribution and some Wednesdays with Food Pantry van unload.
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your church hunt. Sounds to me like it is what you need to do for your own spiritual growth. Hope you find a church that you can call home soon! It makes such a difference in ones outlook, at least when one is used to that in their life.
Thanks sweetie -
Delete:)
Hugs!
Oh boy...you want my story? It isn't pretty. We just LEFT my home church about 2 years ago. WHY? We went for counseling and the pastor kicked us out. When I asked for help (my mom actually went and begged them to help us) because of the abuse they just said... oh well that should not have happened and continued on with kicking us out of counseling. Yes, you read that right... kicked us out! So when we went to them for help they tossed us out and told us we were hopeless. Brilliant! I went to another church is town to see if they would do counseling outside of their church and they did. We now go to church there. I know that we are suppose to be there because of some things that He CLEARLY arranged via our counseling. All this to say we are SO MUCH happier at our NEW church. The pastor (actually assistant pastor) has been there to help and has NEVER tossed us out of counseling... even though it has been over 2 years. "sigh". One day I long to walk in the door and not have to be there because we need help, but rather that we can help others... one day. I serve a God that can move mountains... and I am waiting for my mountain to move. :-)
ReplyDeleteWOW.
DeleteKicked you out?
Hopeless?
God was certainly leading you somewhere else!
Hugs!
Dannelle
We recently moved to Watertown and I am searching for a church here, We attended Christmas service at a Lutheran church and it seemed friendly but I have in the past felt like I was invisible and that is not what I am looking for a t this point in my life
ReplyDeleteI hear you Patti.
Delete:)
Inisible is one thing that no one can ever say about me, LOL.
Hi Danielle~I attend the same church and I can relate to everything you are saying. I miss our old pastor so bad it hurts. I have tried to accept the new pastor and give him a chance, but I rarely attend services because I just can't get past the fact that he isn't there any more. He knew everyone's name and truly cared about each of us and what was going on in our lives. The new pastor knows the scripture, but really lacks that human touch. I have talked to others in our congregation and know we are not the only ones that feel this way. I am still strong in my faith and pray that I will find the answer.
ReplyDeletePastor Bill is a very tough act to follow...and gives great hugs.
Delete:)
Dannelle is right about this church. I am her husband, and I have been a lifelong member of this church. I will not comment on the issues, but I concur that the new pastor is a good admisistrator and planner, but he is definitely not a people person. I will miss many aspects of this church, especially many of the people, but I no longer feel like a known and valued member. Since the last GREAT and EXCELLENT pastor left, everything seems to be focused on grandiose expansion, and revenue generation. I no longer feel spritually fulfilled, nor connected at this church, and will be visiting other churches of the same religion.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, give it a try and see for yourself. Your needs will be met and it's only 10 minutes away.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.calvarygospelchurch.org/cms/